“She’s Asian, what would she know about feelings?”
My friend uncomfortably shared with me as we talked about how we could share Biodanza within the Latino community. My initial reactions were one of bravado - that I’d evolved through hearing similar comments for the past 42 years of my life. While these comments have not historically pointed to feelings, they have been around tango, being active as a teenager, speaking up in the workplace… the list goes on. Similarly, I’ve experienced the other side of it - “She grew up in Australia, so she doesn’t hold traditional Chinese values” etc.
I won’t lie, it hurts. It hurts that others make assumptions based on my looks. Little Jean still feels sad and fearful, while Adult Jean steps up and protects. In this case, she wanted to prove to herself and to her friend that she’s much more evolved. However as I’ve learnt in recent years, things that hurt is often a mirror of how I’m behaving in the world. For every finger pointing at the other, another 4 points at me.
I’ve make comments such as “there’s no Asians eating there, so it can’t be good Asian food” or “why is a caucasian teaching me Tai Chi - what would he know our my culture?” I don’t need to dig too deep before I find my own examples.
When I do this, my ego feels superior - that purely by my race, I’d know the subtleties. To some extent this is true. Like how I intrinsically know to avoid oranges when I have a cough or how I naturally change my behaviour when addressing Chinese elders. But how it doesn’t serve me is it limits my experiences of the world. The restaurant may indeed serve up some of the most delicious meals because of the different influences they bring.
Coming back to the feelings comment, I know how much I’d worked over the past few years to feel again. To know that it is safe to feel, to express, and how it opens me up to a much wider range of experiences of the world. Ironically, this comment was made by an Argentinian woman - I had devoted many years to studying Argentinian Tango and just as many years in Biodanza. I have worked with my Relationship and Intimacy Coach intensively for years to learn what it feels to be a woman.
Having said this, I also don’t want to discount the problem of cultural misappropriation, or where someone spends a short amount of time learning an art and then delivers it without connecting with its true essence. That’s another blog.
Rather than dwelling on the negatives, I prefer to explore how this experience inspires me to dissolve these assumptions within my mind to allow more openness to new experiences within my body.
Here are a few things that I am committed to playing with:
When a judgement comes up, ask “Is this true?” and “What else isn’t true?”
Imagine the image of the individual dissolving and looking into the actual context - perhaps they have spent years studying and perfecting, and how much more work they’ve had to put in - to move through language/cultural/accessibility barriers
Be curious and open - ask questions
How do you respond to your stereotypes and judgements?
If you would love to explore feelings and openness in a fun and safe environment, join us for a free Biodanza Taster in Melbourne - Thursday 21 March, 2024.
